3 1/2 years ago I learned that my partner of 10 years plus was seeing someone else. To say that I was devastated would be a huge understatement. It turned my entire world upside down - and some days it still spins.
you believe that the fault is all yours, that something you did must be the reason, you didn't give enough, you didn't love enough, you weren't enough.... but the reality is it was never about me. At the time a good friend did tell me this but it has taken me this long to understand what she really meant. It was never about me....
I wanted to hide from the world and never come out again, I wanted the world to feel my pain,although truth be known, I wouldn't ever wish that kind of pain on anyone. I wanted someone to take me aside, wave some magic wand and make it all better - but I didn't know then what better was.
People told me I would be free on my own, that the world would be my oyster, I would be the master of my own destiny, I could do what I wanted when I wanted... and I didn't want any of this. I wanted my life back - all of it, just how it had been. It doesn't happen like that.
Nobody told me how I would cope on my own, endless nights and weekends with my own company, forging a new life, a new way of doing things with and for me. It was daunting to say the least, but I have done a lot for me over the last 3 years.
I ran away to Perth for a year and I loved being there, I was closer to 2 of my adult children living there, and formed a great friendship with my youngest daughter. She was my salvation, and I really don't know how I would have got through any of this without her. She physically and emotionally supported me when I should have been doing that for her. My eldest has also been there for me when I've wanted to throw in the towel, at the end of the phone or a skype conversation, when I needed her most.
I have learned humility, eaten a very large slice of humble pie, cried, laughed and laughed, and cried some more, I've lost friends and made new ones, and strengthened friendships that have been so so helpful in regaining my life.
I'm viewing the world as my oyster, I am learning to love me! I've donned those big girl panties, and I have chosen to live my life with gratitude and thankfulness! Every single day!
8 comments:
Hi Shiree,
I feel for you. I imagine it is constant learning and changing too. You are doing amazingly. Cheers Karen
My world collapsed 12 years ago with a one year old, I thought it was my fault too.. once the fog clearer I saw my life as a do over, not many people get to do over their lives...I'm now happily remarried.. time does heal, and see every day is a new day! Stay true to you xo
So wonderful to hear from you again. Sounds like you have been through the ringer, but made it through you have.
Hope your life will improve and you can move forward.
Your children sound wonderful and have been a great support.
Hope you will continue to visit in blogland.
YOU know what the whole problem was..... you married a bastard!!
Okay he wasn't all the time but I will NEVER get sick of saying that because I love you. I really can't believe it's been 3 1/2 years hun, as you say it seems just like yesterday but the amount of things you have achieved for yourself is amazing. You are coming out of your cocoon everytime I see you I can feel it. We are so proud of you and you will always hold a special place in our heart xxxxx
HOLD YOUR HEAD UP HIGH AND BE PROUD
Sending you the biggest hugs ,you are loved and you are awesome xx
I think I was meant to read this post...I haven't been in blogland for the longest time, and just by chance clicked on yours today :) I have often wondered what was going on with you, but didn't feel I knew you well enough to ask questions. I am so very glad that you are ok, that you are moving on, that you are finding your way and feeling positive. I can only imagine the hell you've been through! Great to hear from you again xxxx
Hello Shiree,
All the best, hope you have managed some sewing.
Happy days.
Bev.
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