3 1/2 years ago I learned that my partner of 10 years plus was seeing someone else. To say that I was devastated would be a huge understatement. It turned my entire world upside down - and some days it still spins.
you believe that the fault is all yours, that something you did must be the reason, you didn't give enough, you didn't love enough, you weren't enough.... but the reality is it was never about me. At the time a good friend did tell me this but it has taken me this long to understand what she really meant. It was never about me....
I wanted to hide from the world and never come out again, I wanted the world to feel my pain,although truth be known, I wouldn't ever wish that kind of pain on anyone. I wanted someone to take me aside, wave some magic wand and make it all better - but I didn't know then what better was.
People told me I would be free on my own, that the world would be my oyster, I would be the master of my own destiny, I could do what I wanted when I wanted... and I didn't want any of this. I wanted my life back - all of it, just how it had been. It doesn't happen like that.
Nobody told me how I would cope on my own, endless nights and weekends with my own company, forging a new life, a new way of doing things with and for me. It was daunting to say the least, but I have done a lot for me over the last 3 years.
I ran away to Perth for a year and I loved being there, I was closer to 2 of my adult children living there, and formed a great friendship with my youngest daughter. She was my salvation, and I really don't know how I would have got through any of this without her. She physically and emotionally supported me when I should have been doing that for her. My eldest has also been there for me when I've wanted to throw in the towel, at the end of the phone or a skype conversation, when I needed her most.
I have learned humility, eaten a very large slice of humble pie, cried, laughed and laughed, and cried some more, I've lost friends and made new ones, and strengthened friendships that have been so so helpful in regaining my life.
Not every day is a perfect day, there are still lots of days when I feel alone, but I am not lonely. There are days when I want cry and change my world, but my world is my world and I'm getting to enjoy it some more.
I'm viewing the world as my oyster, I am learning to love me! I've donned those big girl panties, and I have chosen to live my life with gratitude and thankfulness! Every single day!